Tag Archives: Valentine’s Day

A New Perspective on Love

I wrote this post two years ago and looking back on it, it seems more important today, for my daily life, than it did then. I love ah-hah moments, but only when they resonate so loudly they alter my vibration permanently. I don’t always act lovingly or say loving things when I am frustrated. My thoughts aren’t always loving and forgiving toward myself or others when I’m hurt…but I am aware. I do take deep breaths and I do say I’m sorry when necessary, lol! On Valentine’s Day, I’m reposting this as a Valentine to you, my friends, and hope your day is filled with moments of authentic love for yourself, your friends, your pets, your children, your family … and life. 🙂

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This I know for sure: Love isn’t defined by what someone can do for me or give to me. And it certainly isn’t a prize for being pretty, or smart or playful or wealthy. Love can’t be measured by how selfless I become either. Giving till it hurts, or putting someone else’s needs always above my own, isn’t necessarily a good marker of true love. (Maybe we have no choice with our children, though :-)!) But in romantic love, we have to remember to love and respect ourselves too, right?

Initially love may just spring from a feeling. A spark. Maybe even just from a look, a touch, a kiss. But to sustain love, there has to be more than attraction and chemistry, don’t you think?

Lately my mind has been wandering into existential waters. As I prepare to teach my first Valentine’s heart-opening Hatha yoga class, I find myself grappling with what love is and what love isn’t. I’ve come to believe that sustained love lies in the subtlety of how we speak to one another—much more than what we actually say. It’s about speaking kindly and respectfully, at all times, even when voicing concerns. I’ve always loved the James Taylor lyric: “It isn’t what she’s got to say, or how she thinks or where she’s been. To me the words are nice the way they sound.”

I also believe that love is tied to how gently and compassionately we live—more than by any grand gestures we make. Therefore, I’m leaning toward the definition of love as a type of vibration—a frequency—that effects how we sound and move and treat each other. It also controls how and who we attract into our lives.

So as I focus on what to address in my first Valentine’s yoga class—I realize that I don’t want to just talk about and teach poses to keep our hearts open. Yes, it’s important to trust and be open to new experiences—but without a good dose of self respect and inner core strength, we may just keep staying open to all the wrong people and opportunities. Maybe it stems back to our programming as a child, or by us feeding off of the energy of people who are the closest to us.

Maybe a lot of us may have fallen into lower vibrations due to negative childhood programming—which, if not released, feed and spiral into critical thoughts. These critical thoughts about ourselves and others just end up attracting toxic friends or partners who keep us in this status quo of a negative environment. If it sounds a bit heavy, bear with me and just think about it. How many of us as children have heard conversations from adults like: “For once, can you just listen to me?!” “Why do you always do this?” “Honestly, you look ridiculous.” “If you make it on time, it will be a miracle.” “NOT NOW! Jesus. You always nag me right when I’m on deadline.”

You get the idea. Comments such as these hurt. They place us on a lower frequency of thoughts filled with shame, low self esteem, insecurity, fear, anger, lack of respect—and these ripple into adulthood. Think about the couple who bicker constantly over such trivial things as too much hair in the sink … (Yeah, we’ve probably all been there at some point.)

So my ever-evolving definition of love starts within. How we treat each other—or allow others to treat us—triggers negative frequencies where love can’t live or last. What we mirror, or think, we attract.

I’ll leave you with these thoughts as I wrestle with my definition of love this Valentine’s day:

Love expands. Love elevates. Love enlightens. Love embraces growth. Love accepts. None of this can happen in a sea of critical or belittling comments or thoughts.

Clearly, I haven’t figured it all out. (Who has?!) But I do know that attracting someone kind, healthy and gentle requires that I be kind, healthy and gentle in my words and my thoughts—which includes how I treat and think about myself! This actually requires strength and a trust in my inner voice—as much as an open heart.

So, this Valentine’s week, I am defining love as a vibration—a frequency—that I have to tune into. Just like a violinist tunes his instrument in order to play heavenly music, I have to tune my inner strings—my inner awareness—to hear the right chords that allow me to play in a key that allows for a loving and conscious life. Do I speak lovingly and kindly to my loved ones? Do I speak lovingly and kindly to myself? Am I accepting of others? Am I accepting of myself? Am I truly forgiving? These are questions that will help me get in tune—so that I can live in a frequency of love.

What do you think? Does this resonate with you? If not, how do you define love?

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Queen Latifah, My Matchmaker? You Decide!

QueenLatifahshow

This Valentine’s Day I will likely be celebrating with two handsome loves of my life. No, I’m not seeing two men simultaneously! I’ll be having an indulgent meal: pasta, chocolates and gelato with my two boys before they go ski with Dad. So, I won’t be sad this Valentine’s Day—but I have to admit, it wouldn’t suck to have a bit of romance in my life, either!

So, with that in mind, I agreed to be a guest on The Queen Latifah show when her show directer and friend called. If you want someone to laugh AT, tune in! It airs February 12 and March 26th. (Go to her website to find local times/channels.)

Queen Latifah resurrected the Dating Game show that was on TV from 1965-1986, in order to level the playing field for some of her celebrity friends. According to my friend and director Gene Bernard, Queen Latifah was successful with previous Dating Game segments on her show helping celebrities meet “non-biz” people. (You can see clips from her segments with Sheryl Underwood, Florence Henderson and Lamorne Morris here.)

The idea, according to Gene, was to help celebrities meet potential dates in a way that allows them to genuinely find out if they have anything in common and assess real chemistry. Queen Latifah thought the original Dating Game show set-up—with a bachelor or bachelorette behind a curtain, with three contestants on the other side who don’t know anything about the bachelor or bachelorette—did this. Blind dates with her friends might not go as well, as some people might not be as authentic in their conversation once they know someone is in the biz.

I have to admit, the show was so much fun to do and silly and I’m glad I did it! At first, however, I wasn’t sure I should do it, I mean, my boys would likely watch it. But then I thought, why not? How bad could it be? Gene reassured me it would be harmless. A few months earlier I had turned down a NBC producer who asked me and my Ex to be on a reality TV show for 6 weeks. (How that happened or how they found me, I still don’t know!…) While the potential money sounded great, and I knew that my EX and I would be fine together as we’re still friends, we both thought the idea of being dropped into a jungle with 7 or 8 other divorced couples who might actually tear us down, or act dramatically, or bring up touchy topics within our divorce—that our boys might see … Well, there isn’t enough money on the planet to make that pain worthwhile.

Gene insisted that this harmless dating game wouldn’t get me in trouble with my boys. So with the hopes of jumpstarting a little romance, I said ok—with one caveat—I wouldn’t be too flirty or sexually suggestive in my answers as I knew my boys would later watch. 🙂 

The Queen Latifah Show Season 2

Well, so much for good intentions!

Watch the show to see how Queen Latifah twisted my answers into suggestive innuendo! And, the audience roared with every embarrassed face I made!

What can you do? 🙂 I can’t say a love connection was made, but it was silly, light-hearted fun—something this single mom doesn’t get enough of these days. And, I got to meet some amazingly talented people. In the green room, during hair and makeup, I sat next to Sheila E. Hello! How amazing is she?

So, perhaps I didn’t meet my soulmate, but the producers gave me a very cool gift. Before they chose me as Bachelorette Number 3, they asked me to shoot a video to explain what I am looking for in the love of my life. I had never done that before! I’m so busy writing my novel, teaching yoga and raising two boys solo, that I hadn’t given it much thought. Isn’t that sad? The only quality in a man that I knew I absolutely had to have is respect. As a single mom, I can’t respond to last minute invites, late night texts/calls, etc. as I often have to hire a sitter ahead of time. But really, isn’t that a given? I mean, shouldn’t ALL women expect that?! It’s not exactly soulmate material to call ahead and set up a date. Sigh, my standards after living in Los Angeles, must have been lowered! So, to make this video, I dug deep, and came up with a great list of qualities in the person I’d like to meet. Qualities such as a good sense of humor, a good listener, positive, NOT A GOSSIP, a music lover, affectionate, likes kids, creative, balanced (doesn’t drink too much, work too much, exercise to extreme, but has his own interests and respects that I have mine) outdoorsy, spiritual, open heart, open mind, yin and yang personality: so can camp and hike and appreciate my bohemian heart, but also will consider traveling to Europe with me, going to a museum or dining out. Or, in the very least, be a bit amused/accepting of  my Gemini multi-faced personality. So, in the end, making this list has helped me be a lot more discerning with who I might let into my life. Maybe he’s out there? And, in the end, I had a fun time on the show!

I hope all of you get warm Valentine’s hugs & kisses—even if they come from kiddos and/or furry friends. It’s all love. ((<3))

Love & Light ~

Laura, xo

True Love on Valentine’s Day

kidsheart

If you no longer believe in love, hang out with children on Valentine’s Day. There’s nothing better to thwart skepticism and to infuse some much needed love and laughter into your life. Actually, the day before Valentine’s Day is the best. Watching children get excited while they make dozens of cards and/or help bake cookies is adorable. I’ve always thought Valentine’s Day was a Hallmark-pressured holiday for adults—but now I’m convinced that Valentine’s Day is something special for kids, (and the lucky parents who help them.)

I know, some of you may resent all the silly V-day cards and candy you bought or the baked goods you helped your children with. I get it. I helped my preschooler make 24 cards for friends, four for teachers and one for a favorite babysitter. I also helped my 5th grader make 30 cards. But you know what, the three + hours spent on this project was delightful. I kept giggling as I listened to my four-year-old pretend to write on the cards while saying: “Dear __, I love you SO much. You are a great friend” or “Dear __, I love you. You are cool. Can you play at my house?” Who knew he loves over 25 people besides me?! My 11-year-old pain-stakingly picked cards for specific friends and girls and put them in individual bags. They both helped me cut heart-shaped cookies and sprinkle yummies on them. The infectious excitement and sugar high was a delightful distraction!

I’m convinced Valentine’s Day preparation for kid’s parties, should be mandatory therapy for all single or divorcing parents. It certainly helped cheer me up!

And yesterday was a surprisingly hard day for me as I learned about some sad and maddening situations of friends. And no matter how I tried to distance myself from their situations, I was still affected with a deepening and helpless sadness. I am determined to stay an optimist. But hearing about someone else’s sorrow and betrayal and pain, just took the wind out of my sails.

Divorce is hard. And there are only two paths to take once you begin it: one of learning and embracing a better and positive life, or one of bitterness, victimhood and anger. I choose the first one. But I know the shock in the beginning can literally make you feel like you are dying, so I was very sad for a friend who is discovering a deep and prolonged betrayal.

Another is fighting a horrendous battle that just won’t end. And when people live in anger—to the point of trying to destroy a former spouse—they only hurt themselves with their very own poisonous actions. Money won’t make the pain go away, and hurting someone else to prove a point, just mires you in the abyss. I firmly believe that.

But, as I mentioned, I felt powerless and sad and  a bit lost. I kept reminding myself to focus on my boys who, quite literally, are gifts from St. Valentine (both conceived on V-day weekends…go figure!) Thank GOD I had two boys who desperately needed help with massive Valentine’s Day projects and parties, to distract me. I think our cookies turned out quite good, don’t you? 🙂

Vdaycookies

So, while I can’t send you all a personal Valentine, I wish I could. Think of this post as my Valentine wish for you. I wish you all a moment when you feel light. I wish that you find some laughter and find a moment when your life feels like it is unfolding exactly the way it is meant to. And after you read this, indulge in a cookie (no, not the whole box!) and some hot chocolate with your kiddos. If you don’t have a squeeze this Valentine’s Day, I dare you to NOT think about your ex or past Valentine’s Days, but instead, to give your children a squeeze and rent a funny movie after they go to bed.

Giggle and get your own sugar high on. And while you do, think light thoughts. We can’t fix all the heart-break in this world, but focussing on our kids’ love, certainly has to bring some good vibrations to our lives.

I wish you all much love this Valentine’s Day.

L. xo