Category Archives: Parenting

Single mom, sexuality, dating, two-year-olds, infidelity, divorce

Becoming Gracefully Strong


I dare you to find an athlete who is stronger than a a petite graceful ballet dancer. I remember working with football players when I danced and one linebacker growling at me: “This is HAAARD!” as he tried to leap. Yes, it is hard. Ballet dancers, especially, know that grace and strength come from hard work on oneself. The strongest person in the room is not always the biggest person—it is the one who can endure the most, who can continue to try to dance, even when in pain. Here are some more thoughts about strength:

Strength is never loud. It isn’t controlling. It isn’t angry. Or forceful. Or threatening. A strong person doesn’t hurt another for his own gain. Words of strength never belittle, or bully, or make fun of another. A truly strong person doesn’t boast, hold grudges, manipulate, or try to get even.

A strong person has already surrendered, accepted her situation and her role in it completely, and has forgiven her teachers—especially the cruel and harshest ones. This must happen before she can then begin the process of becoming strong. For me, it’s a process that will likely continue to unfold for the rest of my life. Today I saw a picture of myself from six years ago and it shocked me. I must have been 85 to 90 lbs, although I was trying to hide it wearing a baggy skirt and boots. Holding my nearly 2 year old in my arms, I was faking a smile. All the emotions flooded back in. I was broken hearted, tired, scared, worried, fearful. I had been taking care of two boys alone for nearly 16 months and I was with friends and trying to pretend that everything was OK. I was in a nasty divorce with an ex living abroad with his girlfriend. My mother was slipping away with Alzheimer’s. Some friends and a few in my and my ex’s family  were telling me things like I wasn’t capable and should give up. They reminded me that it was too hard; that I’d fall apart; that I would fail; that no one would want me with kids full time; that it wasn’t financially feasible to pursue a career in my field AND take care of them solo; that LA was too expensive; maybe I should take my ex back, etc. etc.  The fear and anxiety and anger and victimhood and martyrdom swirled around inside me like a raging storm. Until one day, while exhausted on the yoga mat in savasana (meditation), it all finally stopped. I could hear a little whisper that said “ENOUGH.”

This rock bottom place allowed me to sit still, acknowledge the people-pleasing storm I had allowed myself to create, and to realize that it was time to walk away from the drama. As the fog lifted, I began to listen more to that inner voice and to take baby steps into finding my strength and my core vision. If you are finding yourself knocked down by a sudden turn in life or are just unsure of your path, these steps may help. I’m sharing them with the humble intention that I may be of service. Steps to Find Your Strength:

  1. Listen to you inner voice. This requires finding stillness. In the beginning, it required power yoga, running and biking with tunes. I had to exhaust my body before I could get out of my head, lay in stillness and meditate. Find what works for you. A walk in the woods or on the beach alone. Lighting a candle and sitting in the dark. Taking a bath and closing your eyes while taking deep breaths. Just listen without judgement and allow whatever needs to surface, to surface. Maybe that requires journaling. But make this an alone exercise. No chatting with friends who may try to sway you.
  2. Acknowledge. Be honest and own up to your role in your situation. Do this without being too hard on yourself. But it’s important to not always be pointing fingers at others and playing the victim. What role did you play? For me, I was co-dependent and other’s happiness was more important than my own. Another’s vision for my life, was more important than my own. What role did you play in your current circumstance?
  3. Accept. Accept your life, your circumstances, your family members, your loved one, right now, for exactly what it is and who they are. Try to change nothing about circumstances or people. Do this without bitterness, without blame, without shame, without judgement. It’s hard. But just try it.
  4. Surrender. Surrender your life to a higher power. If you are not religious or spiritual just surrender to all that is. This is your way of saying, ‘I surrender to something more powerful than myself to help me, to guide me, to let me know that I am not alone.’ For me, it felt powerless at first. But once I surrendered, and asked my angels for guidance, I started to see where I did have power, over finding my own way, finding my own voice, following my heart, finding my courage. … Surender first, you’ll love what then comes.
  5. Dream. Start to dream. Make vision boards. Just go through magazine pics and cut out what you like. If you’ve been controlled for a long time,  it may be hard to even know what you like. This is fun. What designs, what colors, what music, quotes, etc. do you like? What do YOU WANT? It’s a step towards saying you are WORTHY and DESERVING. Make lists of dream jobs, without attaching to them and see if they are all in a creative field or analytical or health-oriented field. Focus solely on what you like, what you’d love to explore: Italy, Greece, India? Put those pics on your board without a thought about finances. This is dream time. Have fun. Play your favorite music while you do it.
  6. Trust. Trust the Universe, God, a Higher Power to take care of you. Say affirmations every morning in the mirror: I trust the process of my life. I trust that my life is unfolding exactly as it is meant to. I have faith that I will always be taken care of. I trust my voice, my vision, my heart. I am capable and I trust I am led and guided every day. I am safe. I am loved. I am abundant. I trust that only those people who want the highest good for me will float into my life. I trust myself. I trust the Universe. I trust, therefore I will not try to force anything, opportunity or person. Those people and opportunities meant to be in my life will float in with ease and grace.
  7. Take Baby steps. This is where I mainly live right now. (I did a cha-cha with Trust for years, ha ha! And I know I still have more dances with trust in my future!)  Just know this: Strength isn’t loud or forceful. It doesn’t require perfection either. It just builds by taking baby steps in the direction of your heart. It requires courage. So, for me, it meant writing another chapter, then another, until my novel was finished. It meant that I had to have thick skin for rejection and edits and to then send my novel out to more editors and publishers.
    It also required taking multiple yoga trainings, trusting my voice, finding confidence, and teaching class after class. Both writing and teaching yoga are equally frightening to me. But how wonderful is it that six years ago I whispered to myself that someday I’d like my career to involve my writing and teaching yoga. I love the creative and cerebral and spiritual aspects of each. One allows me to go inward and have the alone time I crave and need. The other provides the community and family and social outlet that I also need to thrive. As a single mom without much support or family or free-time, it’s critical that I take care of my health and not become a hermit by being alone too much. It’s the Yin and Yang of my existence. I love my life so much. I’m still taking baby steps. Another book to write. Yoga classes in bigger studios to tackle. Maybe a yoga retreat? Maybe more ways to explore my trust issues with loved ones…It’s never ending. Where can you take baby-steps today? Do you want to apply for a new job? Want to explore going back to school? Want to join a MeetUp group to go hiking or attend music or art shows? Take a few baby steps and see what emerges.

    With LOVE & LIGHT,




How NOT to be both Mom & Dad


How many of you  have heard such sentiments as: “Poor thing. You have to be both mom & dad to your children. It’s tough. Your kids need a male influence.” Or something along these lines that make you feel as if you, alone, can not possibly raise children successfully. It’s scary isn’t it? Doesn’t it make you feel like you aren’t enough? Like you aren’t capable? Like you are insufficient and can never be sufficient until you find that MAN. But that kind of thinking can render a whole lot of hurt if you start to desperately just let any MAN into your children’s lives.

Listen to me clearly: YOU ARE ENOUGH. And when you find the right man to make YOU happy and who will be a good influence on your children, then you can let that person into your wonderful family. But for right now, protect that family and know that your parenting style can, and will, be enough to raise successful humans.

Yes, it’s true that the single parent with sole custody has the daunting responsibility of being the enforcer of discipline, as well as the care-taker, the champion, the soother, the cook, the maid, the tutor, the driver, the cheerleader…their everything.

But why make it Mom AND Dad? I find that offensive. I know plenty of wonderful dads who are just as compassionate and patient as any mom I know. So I’ve come realize that I just need to embrace a new version of discipline. I am not both Mom and Dad to my boys. I am the sole parent of my children and I have to find a way to discipline that is true to myself, commands respect, yet is still feminine and caring and mothering. It’s possible.

So to be clear, my children do have a father. He lives in Europe and is really much like a cool uncle. He sees them 4 weeks a year and it’s always on vacation. So no schooling, no carpooling, homework, discipline, soccer games, back to school nights, sick days, etc. But, and lets be super clear, I’m very grateful for his support.

I’m lucky. I know many single moms whose husbands left and never looked back and never sent one child support payment. That is just incomprehensible to me.

So, I’m lucky to have some financial support. Yet I still do all the parenting and I’m learning that I’m just not great at discipline. It’s not my strong suit. So I need to ask for help. And I’m doing that. As well as stepping into my own shoes.

I had a remarkable dream a few weeks ago. It’s not entirely strange for me to have lucid dreams with deceased parents or grandparents of my friends. I guess I’m one of those receptors. My mother, who passed in May, as well as my former father-in-law, has come into many of my dreams lately, too. So, when a good friend’s father, who passed recently, came into one of my dreams, it didn’t seem all that strange. He was pointing at his son’s enormous shoes. I knew who it was because they were skate shoes with green and red and black and enormous. My friend is very tall. He then pointed at the sun and then at the beach. I saw a child trying to step into the footprints already marked on the sand. A small foot trying to fit into big prints, stretching legs as far as possible to make it happen. He then smiled at me and shook his head. (In my dream.) The waves washed away the prints, showing the child that he shouldn’t be following illusions.  I then saw my friend growing up and instead of trying to fit into his father’s prints, he was starting to embark on his own path, with no prints before him, trusting his own vision, his own thoughts, his worth. There were no prints in front of him to follow, he was making his own prints, fresh, unexplored, unique, not trying to be anyone else, or embark on another person’s journey, or meet anyone else’s expectations. He was making his own way. Before I woke up I heard, ironically, in my friend’s voice, not his dad’s: “Step into your own shoes.”


So Powerful.

I can’t say exactly what this will mean for my dear friend. But for me, it’s about my children and how I parent them. I can’t be an enforcer like a typical dad, or their dad, who could be tough in a good way. There are no bedtime quarrels with their dad, for instance. Their dad would never have to sacrifice me time, like I tend to do… But I do need find a way to garner balance in the household. It’s no longer OK for me to go to bed each night at 10:30 p.m. because my youngest keeps being ‘frightened.’ And, of course, when he finally goes to bed, I still have to clean up and do other chores. It’s exhausting.

And, it’s no longer OK that every morning my youngest has temper tantrums about going to school, potentially making me late for a new job. It’s also not OK that my youngest screams about brushing his teeth or going to soccer practice or games. My life has a lot of drama due to my youngest. But guess what? My youngest never had a father. His dad was traveling by the time he was 3 months old and left by the time he was 8 months old…He never had that fear of ‘what will dad say or do when he finds out?’ like a lot of children have. So, I have to figure out a way to garner balance without giving up my own personality which isn’t one to instill fear.

OH, but how I need to have peace in my household. I need self care. I need respect from my youngest and also some personal space. This past Friday a friend needed to talk with me on the phone. My son kept getting up and making excuses as to why he was scared and it was 10:30 p.m. before I could call my friend back. It’s been 7 years of very little me time. I deserve to be able to get to work on time, to read, to call friends, and to b r e a t h e. I know that IF my ex husband was the sole parent, he’d have them ship shape within a week because he just wouldn’t put up with so little time for himself. And they’d get that straight away.

So, it’s been a wake up call for me. And my friend’s dad seems to care.

No, I can’t discipline the way my ex might. But I can discipline with love and compassion and calmly the way I feel comfortable. I can step into my own shoes.

So, that means telling my little guy he has no ipad or utube videos until he can stop screaming about going to school, hitting me about going to school, or having tantrums over brushing his teeth, or going to soccer. He has to respect me. But I *have* to stay calm, loving, not make it personal, and stick to my guns by taking away what he cares about most: his ipad. I was so worried for so long about him not feeling loved or valued or wanted. But now I see that I can still discipline in a responsible way without making it personal and being loving. I have to stay calm.

And, in the meantime, I’ve started a new rule that my ex agreed to (hip hip for little victories!) that I take one Saturday off a month). Even if that means I go down the road to a hotel and veg. … My ex & I will share nanny fees. I no longer go 3 – 4 months without a day off or the ability to sleep in one Sunday a month!)

And I think my boys will appreciate me more because of it.


So, here’s to little victories and BIG AHA moments. It’s a learning process. I still have so much to learn. … And am so grateful for the process and who shows up to support me on this journey. The Universe is amazing. And so filled with L O V E.

With Love & Light ~

Laura xo


Struggling to Surrender to What IS

As I write this, it is a beautiful Sunday morning in California. I am trying to be grateful for all that I have. I so want to go for a walk on the beach, or for a run, take a yoga class, or just walk into town for coffee. But I can’t. My oldest had a sleep over, my youngest is still so very scared of ever being alone. He’s nearly 8 and my clingOn. I fell asleep with him last night as he was scared to be upstairs alone, without his big brother. He’s just my super affectionate, sensitive clingOn.

So, as I sit on the couch with gluten-free pumpkin bread in the oven, filling the house with wonderful smells, I wonder why I am still struggling today? I put on Star Wars Attack of the Clones for my little guy, in order to give myself time to read, to write, to garner focus and gratitude. Laundry is going, we have another soccer game later. I’ve been through worse, so much worse.

Yet for some reason, I still struggle today. Maybe it’s because my tank is empty? And maybe it’s because I no longer accept that it’s okay for me to be ‘on’ for two, three months without help. Plus, I took on more writing assignments than I should have this week, requiring that I sit for hours with stressful deadlines. I also taught 6 yoga classes, turning down 4 requests to sub… but still, I took on so much more work than I’m used to that my back went out. It’s almost better now. I know how to apply therapeutic RX to my back from my yoga training, but it’s still been daunting.

So what’s a full-time single mom to do? I refuse to wallow. If I get triggered, like I am today, I am aware of it, I accept it, and I surrender to the feelings, asking that they be lifted. Tomorrow will be Monday. School will begin, I’ll teach two yoga classes, I’ll have yet another deadline for a magazine. That is much easier for me to deal with for some reason. Today, longing to get fresh air and have some me time, is starting to do me in.  I look over at my adorable 7 year old and I remember this tug and pull of being so in love with him and yet still feeling ‘stuck’ for years. Weekends were so hard when he was a baby. I didn’t ask to do this parenting gig alone. It’s been 7 years…So when I remember those days, those months without help, I start to wonder what the Universe’s plan is for me. You know? I did go out this weekend, but saw myself through the eyes of someone who chatted with me. The man could not believe that I had the kids full time. He was ‘shocked.’

“How are you fucking sane?” he asked me, then told me that he had his kiddos every other weekend only and that he could never date someone like me who gets 4 weeks off a year only.

It was upsetting. I don’t accept this version of me, or his pity for me. I called a friend yesterday and told her how much I adore my life. This man said if he couldn’t go ‘out’ every weekend or play golf  his life would be too hard, he could never live my life without getting suicidal. I get that. But my life has so much more meaning than he could understand. So I don’t accept his view of me or his pity.

So, today, I mentally start to take note of all that I have to be grateful for:  I have two amazing kids that I’m very close to. They have goals and hearts of gold. My oldest volunteers, teaching his brother’s AYSO team, and works so hard to make straight As and to be a soccer star—wanting to garner a soccer scholarship. My youngest wants to save the world. Literally, he wants to be a scientist who can save the planet with an environmental discovery to clean the air, protect our forests and get us off our dependency on oil. My novel is with a publisher right now. SERIOUSLY! Crossing fingers the editor green lights it…I’m teaching yoga, and have a wonderful new boss within the yoga community who has a vision and presence I adore; whose goal is to expand awareness and reduce violence in our world. I’m going to India over New Years with this boss and other soulful yogis. My life is full and rich. And no, I won’t attract a needy man who only wants a woman who has a lot of free time to give to him. And that’s ok.  I’ve given to others for so long, and still do, that to let a needy or selfish man go is very ok in my book. I am happy to not go into that spin of trying to be something I’m not for someone else’s needs…. And yet I can be realistic and feel my tiredness today. With my ex in Europe and no family here, I will have many more years of doing this solo parenting gig. And, at the same time, I’m also beyond lucky to have them. It’s the yin and the yang of my existence.

It’s just, today, right now, I’m desiring a little freedom. Like a long ride up the coast to take a hike, or the chance to take a walk on the beach. And I need to be OK with just wanting that, needing that.

I read today that struggle comes from the Ego. When we demand that God must be heartless and unfair because there is suffering in the world, that is the Ego. When we get angry or bitter or resentful because of others’ suffering, that is the Ego. When I feel sorry for myself, or fall into bitterness, that is the Ego. Instead, I choose to take a deep breath and to ask that I can let go of my Ego, from an unwillingness to let go of my struggle, from my lack of trust in the process, from my lack of acceptance today for what is. I can surrender to these feelings, ask that they be lifted by a merciful God and then walk into grace by helping someone else.

That’s my goal for today. …

But I still plan on hiring a sitter or calling a friend later so I can take that beach walk.🙂 I am no longer a martyr.

Thank God for little miracles.

With love,



The Death Grip of Holding On Too Tight


This post is dedicated to all I have a hard time with letting go. Even those that I just mentally hang on to, maybe especially for them.🙂

So, I find myself on this Tuesday morning in my house alone. It is quiet, except for construction workers getting ready for a day in the sun building the beach mansion across from me for a wealthy Sketcher family member. (I try not to get angry about it, but it’s blocking my view of the ocean as I live in an original surf shack, one of the few, sigh.) And then of course, I can hear the ever-present surfers slamming car doors excitedly, filled with energy, ready to run to the surf and tackle waves. I love them in a way I can’t explain. No, it’s not for the abs and sexy shoulders gals. It’s because they remind me, that every day is new. You’ll see excitement in the old guys and the young ones who can’t wait to find out just how tough or soft the waves are that morning. This spot in front of my house is never the same. It may look the same, but underneath is magic. A full moon appears and the ocean responds with so much energy you can feel the electric pull along with all those trying to ride. The sun sets, especially in winter, and it’s exploding apricot and violet and cinnamon just at its edge and I’m filled with gratitude with my neighbors who watch with me while sipping their wine. (I sit in the sand, they sit on the balconies of their mansions, but we are all the same in that moment.)

Why am I sharing this? Because lately, I’ve been away and my mind became cluttered with negative energy and fear. I’ve missed just watching these daily rituals in my hood that remind me that every day is filled with raw potential and it demands that I get in that flow and out of my house and my head. (a hard task for a writer!) This morning I find myself writing in my empty house and listening to the world outside that is asking me to join in. But I stay inside as I find myself hold on mentally to those I love. How are my boys, now away and with their dad for the first time in what, five months? How is my friend who is suffering from depression? Why hasn’t another dear friend gotten back to me? Is he ok? Is he mad at me? Am I a good enough friend? And then there is this, that I’ve been hanging on to for years…why do I still want to hear from that person who is clearly wrong for me? Sigh. These thoughts swirl in my mind. So instead of going for a run on the beach, or doing my yoga routine or the 22 pushups I’m doing every day for 22 days as a challenge, I’m sitting with my thoughts, my worries, and allowing them to just be. Today, I will embrace them. Then I’m going to let them go. (And really let them go, as I have to leave to teach some beautiful souls fighting cancer. It’s hard to not be in the present moment with those who are acutely aware that today may be their last.) But back to my lingering, looping thoughts of those I just won’t let out of my heart and mind…When it comes to my friends and those who I need to let go, I will see them in a golden light. I will see them as free and happy and I will mentally lift them up to the clouds. When it comes to my children, well that’s a bit harder.

For the longest time I thought letting go meant I was a bad mother. But in reality, I don’t own my children. I can love them and give them guidance, but then I have to let them follow their own path. I adore this passage by Kahlil Gibran:

“Your children are not your children.

They are the sons and daughters of Life’s longing for itself.

They come through you but not from you,

And though they are with you, yet they belong not to you.

You may give them your love but not your thoughts.

For they have their own thoughts.

You may house their bodies but not their souls,

For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow,
which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.

You may strive to be like them, but seek not to make them like you.”


When I hold on it takes the mental form of worrying or being filled with regret or longing or what ifs. It’s a form of fear. It’s a form of distraction, as it’s keeping me from embracing the new day, the new potential, the new chance to ride my own wave and get into a flow with the Universe.


Jack Kornfield, renown Buddhist author and monk  said in his article Letting Go:

“In the end we discover that to love and let go can be the same thing. Both ways do not seek to possess. Both allow us to touch each moment of this changing life and allow us to be there fully for whatever arises next.”

And I’ll add that allowing ‘whatever arises next’ is not in ANY way a form of disregarding or disrespecting the love you have for others. For a few months now I have been letting go some very dear souls and it is a loss. A deep loss. But they need to follow different paths and I want them to be happy. It’s that simple. If you love in the truest sense, you want everyone to be happy. Not happy doing what you envision. Not happy being there for you always. But happy in the way they define happy. So I love them and want them to do what makes their hearts sing, even if that is without me in their lives.

Once I start letting go, others come in. But for whatever reason, when I start to let others in, I feel a bit unfaithful to those who used to be such a big part of my life. It’s silly. It’s another form or getting in my own way and stopping the flow or current the Universe wants me to be in. This weekend I’m meeting some beautiful souls. They are even staying with me, although I don’t yet know them. They are yoga teachers from the East Coast who are dear friends with a new friend of mine I met in Peru. These guys have started a clothing line and need a place to stay as they go on photo shoots, etc. to promote it. Every time we speak or text, it’s quite funny as we are in sync. Both have to go to meditate and get more sleep after being in or teaching a class. They are definitely sweet souls and new friends with viewpoints I get and a positivity that is infectious.

My friends from my TUT trip to Peru are coming in as well this week. One of my yoga students has given us her house in Topanga—only one of my favorite places in LA or the world! How lucky am I?? I’m beyond excited to hike and practice yoga and just reconnect with these new girlfriends that I adore. And on Monday, my soul sister I met last summer in Barcelona is coming in. She is a new friend, yet an old one. It’s hard to explain. It’s like we knew each other before or have been friends a very, long time. So she’ll be here visiting till Wed. and may go to classes with me, hang on the beach. I’m so very lucky to have such soulful friends. The connections are pure and deep and it’s what I’ve always wanted.

So, I pause today, feeling my feelings of loss. I will accept that I miss some people who are precious to me, still very important to me, yet aren’t in my life right now. I accept that I miss them. I accept that they still have pieces of my heart with their names on them, pieces that will always be theirs. But I do not own them. And they do not own me. I will accept these feelings that I have. Even the ones where I worry that I’m being unfaithful by embarking on new friendships. I am not. I just miss them. But they are on their own journey. I respect that. Love is free. Love is simple. Love just requires us to love, accept and let others be happy on their journey. The only crime is when I don’t love myself enough to let myself be free, fly, flow, and seek out a new day with new opportunities, new friendships. So to love others freely, requires that I love myself with as much compassion.

My habit for the past year, every day when I wake up, is to mentally say to myself: thank you for this new day. May I love well. May I live presently and please God, let me let go.

I don’t own this life. I am only passing through. I don’t even own this body. So just because I love my children or love family or friends doesn’t mean that I own them either. My love isn’t a chain. It doesn’t mean they are forced to DO anything. They are free to live how they choose, even if that way hurts themselves or shuts me out or goes down a path that I never considered. I let go with love. I wish them well with love. Because in the end, love is all about letting go. It is all about acceptance and not just validation or meeting my needs. If I truly love someone, anyone, then I want them to be happy. It’s as simple as that. And only those who are wild and free and following their dreams are truly happy. Those who feel chained or trapped out of obligation can never truly be content.

Just my wandering Tuesday morning thoughts, straight from my heart, filled with love.

Have a beautiful day,


100+ Follows!


WOOHOO!! I received word a few weeks ago that I reached a milestone of 100 followers…I believe it’s 104 today. Isn’t that amazing? I’m so grateful to all of you who read my musings and who are on this journey with me as I evolve into a more conscious human being and navigate this world of mine as a single mom, yoga teacher, writer and budding novelist. Phew! That’s a lot isn’t it? Geez. And that doesn’t even touch my day to day life juggling needs as a FT mom and being single: striving to stay positive, focussed, motivated and find time to eek in a little fun, love, travel, adventure. You know, what we all seek—the spice in our rice, the music that makes us want to dance, or the moment our heart races when we recognize a person as a dear friend or potential ‘one’ that makes life so much more than just life. You know?


So, thank you from the bottom of my heart to all of you—new and old followers—of NavigatingVita. Since I started this blog August 26, 2011 a lot has changed in my life. My divorce became official. I broke up with a man that I thought I might marry. (The first man I had kissed in 15 years since my husband, so maybe I needed more experience dating too…) I joined a support group. I began and finished 4 yoga trainings. I now teach yoga. I wrote a novel. Yup, after taking a 15 year hiatus from creative writing after I completed my first novel in grad school, well, I jumped back in. I wrote a novel that was inspired by a true story uncovered when I was a newspaper reporter in the North Carolina mountains, moons ago. And, I started writing another novel. (See excerpt here.) I’ve travelled a lot: England, Italy (3 x), Spain, Czech, Hawaii (3x) Costa Rica, Peru, Mexico…And stumbled upon some cool experiences, such as being on the Queen Latifah show as a Contestant # 3 for her Dating Game Show. A well-intentioned neighbor, who happened to be a producer for her, decided I needed help finding a date since I rarely get out except to take or do yoga. It was a hilarious experience! And even with the help of Queen Latifah, her bachelor chose the grandmother out of the three contestants because she was the one who talked dirty and promised sex on the first date. (Men, is that all that it takes? Maybe for another blog post, but seriously?! My kids were watching too, could NOT go there. Hmmm.) Here I am last Feb. embarrassed after Queen Latifah tried to insinuate that I was a southern good girl, but not that good. Go figure. Still didn’t get the date! Probably a good thing.🙂
The Queen Latifah Show Season 2

So, what can I say? Life is good. Life is challenging. Life can be upsetting and then suddenly delicious. It can become overwhelming and tedious and boring and then suddenly beautiful without words sufficient to express that beauty or the enormous amount of gratitude felt. Throughout it all: throughout the disappointments of agents not accepting my work, and then the high of one who does— or the boy who breaks my heart so completely that I can barely function … And of course my boys who are my anchor and mean everything to me. Throughout it all, I write as a means to seek, to find my center, to garner a balance, catch my breath and to embrace compassion, patience and forgiveness. And…still find time to dance and travel—at least once a  year! This is what motivates all my blog posts in one way or another. Even if indirectly as I am somewhat private. If I write about how to discover your worth and uncover hidden, sabotaging beliefs, trust me, it’s because I need to write about that topic due to poor or impulsive choices. If I write about how yoga enhances creativity and helps bash self-doubt, it’s likely because I’m teaching too much, not practicing daily yoga and therefore, finding it hard to carve out time every day to feel entitled to write that novel. Who do I think I am, right? So, I often write about what I need to learn. It’s the same when I teach yoga as each week there is a theme to my classes: forgiveness, acceptance, surrender, strength, combating anger, staying open, trust, faith, etc. You get the idea. I teach and write about what I need to learn. And if any of this has resonated with you, I’m truly honored.

Thank you for being on this journey with me.

I’m sending so much love & light & laughter to you all. Life is a trip—and one only worth navigating with dear friends. Thank you for the support.

With gratitude,

Laura x

New Friends on My Journey


Photo by: Laura Roe Stevens

Taking baby steps onto my path, my journey to open up a future living my dreams, can be scary. But what I’ve been learning over the past two and a half years especially, is that as I move forward into my truth to live an authentic life that reflects my soul’s purpose, I meet people on the way who instantly feel like family. It’s a beautiful thing. As a single mom of two, it would be very easy for me to just continue with a traditional job and ensure that I have a safe life. But three years ago, after recovering from my divorce, I still felt as if my soul was sinking, getting buried into a life that wasn’t my own. I wasn’t myself. I longed to trust myself and not continue to do the right thing or be who others might want me to be. I took an intensive yoga teacher training and  reconnected to my inner voice. That voice can get drowned out by the needs of children and the expectations of others. I connected with soulful, supportive friends, like my yoga teacher and was able to find the courage to explore my heart’s desire. Just before that training began in September 2013, I had started writing creatively again. I’ve been a journalist and editor since I was 19 years old…but I stopped writing creatively after my first son was born. I wrote a book in graduate school, then met my husband soon after. And I began living for my son and for my husband— trying to ‘be’ what was expected of me to be the best mom I could, while also bringing in income for the family. The divorce woke me up. It didn’t feel good, but now I see that it was necessary. I had lost my way. My inner voice was silent. I was listening to other’s limited beliefs about who I was or what I could accomplish or the kind of life I should be living.

The past two and a half years have been amazing. Two more intensive yoga trainings later, and after creating a supportive writer’s group with friends who also feel like family, I finished my novel Uriel’s Mask and am half way through my next novel Between Thoughts of You! It’s funny how life works. For me, once I began to take baby steps into my authentic life and really trust the Universe, I began meeting others on similar soul-searching journeys. It’s beautiful. I love the synchronicity. It’s like the Universe saying: “See? I told you you aren’t alone and it’s more fabulous when you step outside of your comfort zone and into your purpose, isn’t it?!”

This week, Tory, of the GingertAle blog sent me a long note that made me cry. She said that my posts felt like words from a guardian angel as she’s now a single mom of a three-year-old and trying to launch a new career. She said she just needed the inspiration to keep on her journey, to not cave to other’s limited viewpoints on what she could accomplish. She sent me this post: “Live Deep and Suck the Marrow Out of Life”. Read it. It’s beautiful. As she takes baby steps into her dreams, while also striving for balance to take the best care she can of her daughter, she’ll discover friends along the way, like angels, to inspire and support her. I know I have.🙂 I’m so grateful for them, too.

For instance, last summer I met another writer, Ann Marie Frohoff , who has written three novels and is working on a documentary and another non-fiction project while also a dedicated mom. She lives in my home town! I met her randomly when on a date to a concert. The date and I decided we are better off friends, but I met Ann through one of his friends. I love when these things happen. Just knowing she’s out there writing every day, has been a huge inspiration to me.

Also last summer, while the boys were with their Dad in London & France, I decided to go to Barcelona, (my ex flew me to London with the boys, so it was a short, inexpensive flight!). I found a  roof-top apartment via airbnb that allowed me to have panoramic views of the city and water and even sleep under the stars! Had I listened to anyone who lamented that it isn’t safe for women to travel solo, I wouldn’t have had such an amazing journey. I did yoga every morning, wrote, explored the city. It was hard sometimes being alone, but I was able to take the art tours I wanted and to go up to the mountains of Montserrat. On one museum tour, I met a beautiful soul, who is now one of my best friends. She’s from San Francisco and was traveling solo after a break up. We couldn’t stop chatting and ended up going out to eat, to the beach, on a sailing cruise and then to a support group she had found. She’s coming to visit me this August. We chat quite a lot supporting each other as she is also starting a new career and on a similar spiritual path. Definitely a soul sister.

I’ve been an avid fan since the Notes from the Universe first began. Mike Dooley’s notes resonate with me, especially after I had an apprenticeship with a medium and life coach in 2012. So, at the last minute, I decided that I’d take the risk and go to the TUT Peru trip last March. It was a trip that was a little out of my budget, I didn’t know anyone there, but I felt compelled to go. I’m so glad I did! On that trip I met so many soulful and fun friends. Two are visiting me this August as well, while  the boys are with their dad. One is also a yoga teacher and the other is originally from the South and very creative. We just ‘get’ each other.

I’m so grateful for all those on my journey. Some have read chapters of my novels and given me support and guidance that is priceless. I’m not one used to anyone giving to me. I like to give to others, it’s who I am. But I’m realizing that by allowing others on my journey to give to me, I can give back in numerous ways, and hopefully inspire them as well. We all need a little support to confirm we are on the right path, or that all will be OK. It’s scary to climb out on a limb reaching for a dream. But what I’m learning, is that it’s also so very rewarding. The journey means I’m alive. I’m excited. I following my truth and doing exactly what I love, every damn day. I’m writing. I’m teaching or doing yoga. I’m living with the two most important spiritual teachers in my life, my two boys. Sure, I’d love for my books to get published by a mainstream publisher, or the love of my life to finally find me …but you know what? Where I am right now, is so sweet. I’m beyond grateful for this beautiful life and the soulful friends I’m making on this journey.

If you are taking the first few baby steps onto your journey, consider me a friend along the way. If you’re following your heart, your intuition, your purpose—what lights up your soul—you’re on the right path. And you just might discover that the journey is as magical and the destination.🙂 I know that’s how I feel.



The Anti-Pity Party


Sunday F-Me Day. That’s the single mom mantra. That, or: TGIM! (Thank God it’s Monday!). I’m so pooped by Sunday night that I can go to a very dark place if I’m not careful. Yes, I love my kids endlessly. But F Me, it’s been 6 weeks again without a break or a weekend off. I didn’t sign up for this. When I married my husband, an Eagle Scout who had worked for Jimmy Carter at one point, I had NO clue that he’d leave after our 2nd baby was born. I never imagined that he’d choose another life, another person. And when I say leave, I mean leave. He lives in Europe and sees the boys 4 weeks a year. My break 6 weeks ago was due to my thoughtful mother-in-law who came to help. I’m so grateful for her. We’ve had our ups and downs; probably like all daughters & mother-in-laws, but she really understands what I’m going through and is baffled as well. Her son had the opportunity to take a job in San Francisco and even told his boys that he was taking it and would see them more often. He told them San Fran or New York, yay! They got so excited. But then, he didn’t take those jobs. And they haven’t seen him in a long time. His new job is in Amsterdam. Sigh. I can’t control him. I wish he hadn’t said anything to them, but I can’t change that either. So, I’m sad for them, AND lets be honest, I’m sad for me, too.


Lets face it. I’m ON 337 days a year without breaks! The 2 afternoons a week I have a sitter, I’m working, so it’s not really a break.. And it’s been 7 YEARS of this. So that’s ON Full-Time with the boys for nearly 2,359 days. It’s exhausting. It taken a toil on my social life, my work productivity, sometimes my sanity and most definitely my love life.

So that’s me having a pity party. Do I have cancer or am dying? NO. Am I homeless? NO. Are my boys the best things that ever happened to me and the best spiritual teachers in my life? YES.

Intellectually I know I’m the luckiest gal in the world. BUT…by Sunday evening, I’m pooped. And I think it has a lot to do with the way my weekends go. I can’t teach or do yoga on weekends because of their soccer schedules. So I’m racing around and not doing things for me. I don’t go out much anymore either, not since I ramped up my yoga teaching and am still writing! Yes, I’m working on my 3rd novel and am ridiculously excited about it, more so than the other two! So life is good, right?

Well, only, and I do mean only, if I take care of myself and get into the right head space.

The old me of three years ago, the pre-yoga, support group and TUT ( mentality, would whine and complain, and have a pity party. Mostly to myself—but still. It kept my vibration and my outlook bleak. I’m still a work in progress. If I get sick, or my kids do, and I’ve been ON for 5 to 6 weeks straight without help I can spiral again without self care. Two weeks ago I hit a low point again. It happens. I realized that with my 7 weekly classes of yoga I teach, I’m not actually working out much myself. The mucky brain, mild depression or pity party builds slowly, but usually by Sunday, with a little one who doesn’t want to get out much, and isn’t terribly independent, we can both get stuck in a rut. I try to turn inward. How can I love myself more? What can I do to take better care of myself?

Often times that means saying no to someone who is demanding. It’s not a coincidence that I attract people who want or seem to need a lot of my time or want help just to keep afloat. These folks distract me from taking care of myself. It’s a co-dependent side of me that I’m working on. But once I clear the deck and make space for clarity and calm me-time, I have the chance to mentally flip a switch and stop whatever tape is playing in my head, like a record rip in the old days: RRRIIIPPPP! and then I can take a deep breath and figure out what I need.


Last Sunday I had a family meeting with my two boys and asked my oldest to babysit every Sunday evening at 6 for a 2 hours so I can go to a friend’s Yin yoga class. That will be my treat after shopping, cooking, schlepping to soccer games all weekend. My oldest wasn’t happy about it at first, but when I explained that I need time for me, that we’re traveling all over California for his soccer games and then he’s out with his friends every weekend night till 9:30/10…there isn’t balance in the household. He needs to give back to me and his little brother who schleps around all weekend for his big brother’s stuff, too. My son was very sweet about it. It’ll give me a break and a little time to breathe. 

I can’t control what my ex does or doesn’t do.

I can’t change the past. I can’t change my situation. But I can change my outlook. I can embrace healthy habits, like a morning workout ritual, meditation, gratitude journals and my new practice of doing ‘That’s Rights’ taught to me by an awesome Andy Dooley in Peru last March. So, life is good. Life can be exhausting. But life is also so very precious. My mom just passed. My oldest will be in college in 3 years. I need to garner perspective.  I spent all weekend with my boys. Soccer games, beach time, biking, pizza, snuggling with movies, library time. And now, I’m off to zen out with lovely yogis who make my soul smile. This isn’t how I envisioned my life to be 10 years ago. Not at all. But maybe, just maybe, it’s better than how I envisioned it. Maybe I’d never have written my 2nd novel? (My 1st was written pre-marriage in grad school.) Maybe I’d never know my strength? Maybe I’d never realize my worth. Maybe I’d still be feeling inadequate and trying to live up to someone else’s expectations? Maybe I’d be hiding my spirituality and my intuitive gifts? Maybe I’d also never have found the courage to go through 4 yoga trainings and teach—after turning 40. Maybe I’d still feel tethered to the good-girl syndrome of trying to make everyone else happy? Hmmm…so many things have changed for the better haven’t they?

So maybe, just maybe, my authentic, conscious life is just beginning. Every Sunday F-Me Day, needs to be re-arranged in my mind as Sunday Fantastic Me Day. ha ha.

Thanks for reading! And if you can relate to my life, promise me you’ll do one thing for yourself today. You deserve it.❤

With Love & Gratitude ~

Laura x  



What my mother told me after she died.



That title may alarm some people. But the fact is, our loved ones communicate with us all the time after they die. It’s as simple as one thought away. And it’s the most beautiful aspect of grief and death. So many people are distracted and numb and out of alignment so the idea of magic and eternal love and light isn’t a reality in their every day life. Yet it is. They are just not aware of it. When someone you love dearly dies, for weeks afterwards, you can feel them, dream about them, sometimes even hear their voice. It’s remarkable and it brings so much hope to those who have forgotten that there is life after death. We are spiritual beings having a physical experience. But life drones on. Responsibilities, work, routines can keep us from day dreaming, noticing beauty, magic. Hurts and regrets and pain can compound our vibration so that our hearts are heavy and we can barely muster hope when we see a beautiful sunset. We become out of sync with our divine selves. We are out of the frequency to hear or see the messages our loved ones send us.

When someone dies, however, we are forced to stop everything. We stop our daily routine. We stop work. We focus. We remember. We pray. We become grateful for what this person gave to us. We open up to the magic of life. And in this grateful, open, vulnerable state, we notice, or hear the messages. That is the gift when someone dies.

My mother died May 20th of this year. I flew to North Carolina on the 21st and on the 22nd (a dear friend will love that number, you know who you are!) I saw this double rainbow forming over the highway. I was driving with one of my sisters two hours to her house as she had the best picture of my mother that we all decided must be enlarged and placed at the entrance of her memorial service. So, we drove the two hours to my sister’s house. As we were driving the two hours back to Chapel Hill, this amazing rainbow started forming. Another formed on top. I took a video of it that I can’t upload for some reason…But right after I videoed the rainbow and was still watching it form, my dad called. I am not close with my dad. Well, that’s an understatement. I have forgiven him for the many disrespectful choices and things he did to my mother. I’ve forgiven him for things I still can’t mention, toward me and to my oldest sister, but I keep a boundary up for my own health. Yet I could feel my mother present with us and I could feel her forgiveness. I could feel her urging me and so I answered my sister’s phone and I spoke kindly to my father and even agreed to pick him up from the airport and take him to his hotel. He wanted to come to my mom’s funeral. He likely doesn’t even remember half of what happened during our childhood or even forgot some events with mom later—that’s what is so puzzling and hurtful and insane about alcoholism, and whatever else came into play. But I decided to let it go. He is old. He was sad. And clearly, my mother forgave him years ago.

On May 25th, the day of my mother’s funeral, the minister surprised the family by asking everyone to sing Somewhere Over the Rainbow. Us four siblings had put together the program and we all agreed upon speaking. I was the one who spoke about the power of music, as my mom played piano  by ear and communicated through music. I even provided her top song list as I kept it after we moved her into an Alzheimer’s facility. Somewhere Over the Rainbow wasn’t on it, nor was it mentioned. Perhaps one of my sisters suddenly asked the minister to add this? I don’t know. But my oldest sister and I began crying as we remembered the rainbow forming in the car just a few days earlier. It wasn’t a coincidence. Mom was telling us everything would be ok. Listen to the lyrics. My two sisters aren’t physically well. They both have autoimmune disorders and serious stress and I wish so much I could take away their pain. My big brother even admitted to losing his faith in God after my mom developed early-onset Alzheimer’s. It wasn’t fair. She was a social worker with a huge, kind heart, and helped so many without ever asking for anything in return. He felt it was cruel. It was hard on him to see her, and he lived so close to her facility. It was hard on all of us to lose her. My mom was sending us all a message of hope. To not harden or become cynical in life. To stay aware of the magic that is subtle, but always there.

That evening, as I was coming home to my brother’s house, after walking around with my childhood best friend, we saw this little lime green frog on my brother’s door.


Frogs like this just don’t appear on doors in North Carolina. I know a lot about frogs. As a little girl I collected them. In fact, I would sit by a pond in the woods surrounding the horse trails and watch for hours waiting for the tadpoles to finally leap out of the water onto the Earth as precious little frogs. I’d put them in containers and take care of them until they were big enough (or so I thought) to ward off predators. Some kids had imaginary friends, I had friend frogs. Neighbors would capture rare red ones or orange ones and bring them to me for my collection. Yup, I was that kind of kid. To this day, my siblings still buy me frog paraphernalia for birthday or Christmas gifts. So to see this frog on the evening of my mom’s funeral was just a little reminder that I was loved, watched after, and was special. I was teased a lot as a child for being stupid. Not by my mom, but by my dad and siblings. I barely spoke until I was 11 and daydreamed constantly. I guess you could say I have always been partly in another dimension or watching for what was happening underneath the surface. I could sit outside watching birds fight for territory for hours. I would get mesmerized by the way light sparkles on dust particles. Listening to the wind through the pines I’d imagine someone whispering to me. Inside the house, I sometimes wrote invisible words or names on the ceiling and imagined them dancing or fighting over me. When sitting at the table for dinner, I paid attention to how words were spoken and whether a person’s eyes were sad or angry, or whether arms were crossed—and often didn’t hear or listen to what was actually being said.

Mom was telling me that was my gift. That’s why I can still hear her. For weeks she’s come to me in my dreams. I see her in her garden. I see her playing her piano. Talking with me about boys in her blue kitchen. One dream was funny, with her and her friends laughing over her fridge magnet of Nixon with the words: “Thank God he kept our boys out of Northern Ireland.” She was suggesting a similar one about Trump. It was funny. She was engaging. I loved talking politics with her. When I became a journalist, I had ground my day dreaming wire, but I still watched body language, especially when covering murder trials or interviewing politicians. I’m glad I’m not in that world anymore, but I remember how much fun it was to talk with my mom about it all.

My dreams showed me her quirky side before her mind was ravaged by Alzheimer’s or before she was stressed and heart broken. And I could feel that she’s returned to her quirky, beautiful, poetic, funny, musical self.

Over the past two months, through signs and messages and songs and dreams, these are the things she has told me:

There is no way to sum up the entire life of another person with a quick comment, so don’t read gossip crappy news or watch any of it. Don’t participate in judgmental gossip.

Strive to be happy now, with your life exactly as it is.

Forgive everyone. We have to let go of our judgements against others based on one or two things that they may have done. That doesn’t mean we become door mats and let in every person who hurts us over and over again—but let go of resentment.

You are enough, exactly as you are.

You are special.

You don’t need to prove yourself to anyone.

Those who hurt us the most are expressing their own internal pain. They are bleeding inside from issues and scars we may know nothing about it. So ignore whatever hurtful words they say to you.

Follow your heart.

Get out in nature every day if possible.

Don’t Let In anyone go who is negative or who stirs up drama in any way.

Have fun. Be silly. Laugh more. Let the dishes stay in the sink every now and then.

Don’t try to fit in. Be nice and polite when needed, but show your true feelings whenever you can.

Take risks. True love exists for every person at any age.

Stay true to yourself.

Take care of yourself: your body is your temple.

You are deserving—remember that, but don’t forget to give back.

Be grateful.

Be humble.

Own up to your mistakes, but don’t punish yourself for them.

If you’re ever on an ego trip, pause and give to someone else.

If you give too much of yourself or try to control others, step back and allow others the dignity to make their own mistakes and choices.

Trust your gut, not your ego.

Don’t worry so much about pleasing others. Please yourself and be yourself and those who float into your life will be divinely orchestrated to be with you.

~ Thanks for reading this long post! My wish is that it brings a little ray of hope into your day.

Make it a beautiful one.

Laura XO


He Left You, Don’t Abandon You, Too


This post is for the single mom who wrote to me privately after reading my post Being Worth The Effort. Our dialogue broke my heart. When you wrote: “I’ll never feel worthy of a man’s love,” I could tell that your mind was made up. There was nothing I could say to reach into that depth of pain and change your mind. Platitudes don’t work.

The pain that a woman feels after being cheated on and abandoned with little children to take care of is unbearable. It sinks deep into your bones. And it’s very hard to come out from this feeling positive and trusting and hopeful—or worthy of a good life. But it is possible. And you’re on the right track. I know because you are feeling it. The women who run from it, point fingers, blame, drink a lot, date a lot, are masking the pain. And there’s no shame. We all do what we can to survive. You are going to get through this.

I don’t have all the answers. I know what worked, and didn’t work,  for me. And I want to share this as the club we are in, the full-time single mom’s club, is one that no one should comment on unless they have membership. To say our lives are hard, is an understatement. To say our lives have more meaning than most is also an understatement. To that end, I focus. I am the rock for my kids. I, like you, am the one who cooks, cleans, shuffles back and forth to school & practices and who has very little social life because of a lack of support. We are the ones going solo to games, celebrations, helping with homework, staying up all night when they are sick. We have no weekends off, unless there is help from family. Sometimes family isn’t always uplifting help either. We are bombarded with guilt and exhaustion and loneliness.

But please promise me that you will never, EVER, say you are not worthy of a man’s love again. What your husband said to you as he was leaving shows his level of consciousness. Shame on him. Don’t let what he did—or what he said to justify what he did—eat away at your soul. It’s easier said then done. I know. This is also a club whose membership is one that few want admittance to. But it’s our journey. And when you come out on the other side, I hope you’ll feel as lucky and as hopeful as I do today.

With that said, I know how painful it is, especially with really little children. I get it. You are tired. You are lonely. But you are also so very special and strong. Your children love you endlessly. They are safe because of you. They see the world with love and peace because of you. Their father, if he shows back up in any way, will still be the one who gave them up, who left, who put another woman or selfish needs above them. YOU, are showing them that they are more important than anything in this Universe. Is there anything more precious than that?

Intellectually you get that, I know. But when you’re in the trenches and exhausted and sleep deprived, it’s hard for the message to sink in. Just keep going. Your children are babies. It’s hard to garner a really good perspective when feeling alone, abandoned and exhausted. I so remember those days. I don’t like to think about them anymore. But I will share them for YOU. I will share them because 7 years ago I was where you are now and am in such a better place today. I, too, had nights when I was up and down with a baby alone. I recall sobbing into my pillow while breastfeeding and praying my older child wouldn’t hear. I had no idea how I would make it. Who to trust. When my ex left he said horrible things to me, like I wasn’t enough. When he left, we had an 8 month old and a devastated 7 year old. The things he called me to justify what he did, aren’t suitable for this forum. But they ate at my soul. Between exhaustion, depression and little sleep, after a year, I nearly broke down. I began having panic attacks. I fell down on a city street with the baby in a bjorn. No one helped me up. I remember seeing stars on the walk home and thinking how badly I wanted to call my mom, then riddled with Alzheimer’s. I had never felt more alone. I didn’t want to ask for help or tell anyone, because I feared it would sound like I was having a pity party.

When I went back to work, my baby, now 2, kept getting sick, three emergency room visits within a year. (I found out later it was due to toxic mold in our house.) I was at my wits end. I was up all night. My first boyfriend post separation was jealous of my time with the kids and with work and the pressure nearly killed me. He urged me to quit my job due to my stress and health, but was overly involved and threatening about it, suggesting he might even cheat from lack of seeing me. It triggered my need not to let things fall apart. The needless guilt I carried over for not ‘being enough’ for my husband was projected onto this man unconsciously, and I put him first and resigned from a job. I wasn’t stable due to the lack of sleep and from not taking enough time to heal before I started dating. I lost friends because of it. I apologized, but the damage was done. In the end, people who haven’t experienced this sort of trauma, and it is a kind of trauma, just can’t understand. Keep your head up and don’t try to make people understand. Here is a list of things that I feel strongly about, that helped me. Hopefully these will help you on this journey too:

  • Fake it till you make it.
  • Tell yourself your life is great when you wake up. Seriously, do it. “Thank you for an amazing life. Thank you for another day. Thank you for my babies. Thank you for this bed, this apartment”…these are what I used to say.
  • Smile every time you leave your house. Make it look easy until you start to feel like it is easy. People will wonder what your secret is. Let them. Don’t let them know you cried yourself to sleep. Don’t be ashamed of it, but just know you are moving forward. Smile like a Cheshire cat with a secret, because you DO have one. Your life is going to be great and on your terms, very soon.
  • Trust in the Universe. I know, it’s hard, but try it anyway.You have a journey and an important reason for being here. You are divine, eternal. Trust you will be OK.
  • Be patient with your kids and remember they are gifts from God. Count to 10 if they tantrum. Mine had colic. Put him in a swing or crib and take 10 deep breaths before coming back. This, too, shall pass.
  • Tell your children they are special. Tell them you love them, every, damn day.
  • Tell people how wonderful your children are, even on days when they have tantrums.
  • Write in a journal the funny things they do or say so you can give them to them when they are older.
  • Take a lot of pictures of the kids smiling, of you and the kids smiling.
  • Every time you smile, remember your smile is an awesome achievement! Your ex can’t take away your right to be happy. Wear your smile proudly.
  • Write in a gratitude journal every night, even if you only write: ‘I am grateful I ate dinner.’ It’ll snowball until you are bursting with gratitude.
  • Find a way to exercise and get out of your head. Even if you take the stairs at work, or buy an exercise video and do it in the morning or night. Maybe put the little ones in a stroller and run in the morning. Find a way to get endorphins flowing.
  • Swap babysitting with a friend.
  • Join a library and join a free reading group for the kids or for you! If they have a career group with your library, or speakers go, it’s free!
  • Start exploring every thing you liked to do before you had kids. Make a list and a dream board.
  •  Join a Meetup group for meditation or hiking or picnics with other single parents.
  • Join support groups, but limit your time in ones where parents are bashing their exes or wallowing in their stories without figuring out ways to improve their lives. You’ll get lost in their stories and their fear may linger into your day.
  • Don’t bash your ex EVER in front of the kids.
  • Avoid going out with friends who drink too much or talk smack about their exes in front of your kids.
  • Begin your own traditions. Kids love them.
  • Be super selective when you start to date. Avoid men who insinuate your children are in the way. Break it off with anyone who belittles you or drinks and is obnoxious in front of your children. Your children will ONLY see people being respectful to you from now on.
  • Find a spiritual practice. Whether it is  yoga (I know that’s expensive, but check out cheap online yoga or DVDs!), church, meditation, a positive therapy support group, etc. Find a way to surround yourself with messaging that you are enough.
  • Don’t tell your story to everyone. Many people won’t understand or will freak out about it. It’s human nature to want to point fingers, to find reasons to explain something. She must have done something. Or she wasn’t a good wife, etc. because then it assures them that they will never have to go through anything similar. I tried to talk with a friend who asked about my situation and she kept saying things like, “You must have had a clue you were in a bad marriage” or “There must have been signs that he wasn’t happy.” That conversation poured salt into my wounds and no, I hadn’t a clue and we were happier than most of our married friends. Go figure. So, be very careful who you talk with as the ‘talk’ may end up making you miserable. You don’t need it.
  • Remember, sometimes shit happens and it’s not a reflection on you. YOU are NOT to blame for your husband’s infidelity. AT ALL.You are both on your own journeys. You are worthy of love and of having a faithful husband. We can’t control what other people do, but we can control how we respond to them. Remind yourself of this during the divorce process as it gets worse sometimes before it gets better.
  • Get a weekly game plan. By Sunday you will be so exhausted you might cry when watching cartoons. How can you get a break? Is there a daycare at a church? Even if you sleep while they are in daycare an hour, it’s worth it! Do you have a supportive bff who could watch the kids for an hour while you sleep?
  • As you start to heal and find moments of happiness, strength and health, don’t get discouraged if some of your friends aren’t supportive or happy for you. It reflects their consciousness, fears or that they are stuck in the victim role. Some want to be miserable with others. Some want to have complaining buddies. Don’t go there. Just drift and say a prayer or light a candle for them. We ALL deserve to be happy, healthy and at peace.
  • Post the word RESPECT in all caps on your bathroom mirror. You have been through a lot. Respect yourself. Not many can do what you do with as much grace and love. I’ve seen CEOs & olympic athletes fall apart when their kids have tantrums. What you do is HARD.
  • It will get better. Life will become easier. Believe that.
  • The love and patience you show your children, will come back to you.
  • Your children will never, ever forget what you do for them. They are worth it and you are worth it.
  • No man will ever bring you happiness and a feeling of worth. Not completely. And That’s OK. Be happy anyway.
  • Breathe deeply every day and know you are getting closer to your best life, your best self.



With much Love & RESPECT,

Laura xo

Locked & Loaded in Need of Reform


This independence day had me questioning, once again, whether we are truly better off as a nation since garnering independence from Britain. I’ve lived in England, and as a parent, must say how refreshing it was not to have to worry about guns. There was no need to call parents before play-dates and ask if the guns were locked in a safe. (My fellow southern moms know what that’s like.) And there was no worry that schools will get shut down as an armed teenage gunman seeks bloody vengeance. Living through a school shooting as a teen has given me an appreciation for just how insane our country is to allow easy access to guns for mentally unstable teens or adults for that matter.

So who is to blame when parents allow children access to loaded guns? And, at what point should our government get involved? Do we lock up parents who don’t lock up their guns? Do we give jail time to the parent who takes a child to shooting range when someone is killed? Do we need better legislation such as age restrictions at shooting ranges?

Yesterday I cried while reading this story about a Florida father who accidentally killed his 14-year-old son at a shooting range. After the video within this story, I saw another video about a child who never got over accidentally killing his baby sister when playing with his father’s loaded gun. Can you imagine? And then there is the horrific story of a nine-year-old girl who accidentally shot and killed her gun instructor with an uzi while taking lessons at a gun range. Nicole Flatow’s article  The Tragic Insanity of Gun Ranges points out that there are no age restrictions at gun ranges and, sadly, no checks are in place to rent guns at ranges. WTF?

“They don’t have to pass a criminal background check. There’s no check of their mental health records, although some require individuals to attest to their mental competence. Many gun ranges don’t even collect names or identification. And that’s not even the worst part,” Flatow reported.

Because gun renters aren’t “in possession” of the fire arms, they are only renting them, no background checks are legally required or allowed. Which explains why one mentally unstable mom in Florida shot her son and herself at a range in 2009.

No charges were filed in any of the deaths that I described. Maybe we should reconsider this? Should it be legal, for instance, to give a nine-year-old an uzi? Is it legal to allow children access to loaded guns within the house? If a death occurs, shouldn’t the parent, the person the gun is licensed to, carry some blame, almost like an accomplice? Shouldn’t their gun license, in the very least, be revoked and some jail time or public service be demanded? Just how are we trying to stop these events from continuing?

Seriously, how many accidental shootings do we need to hear about before making viable gun legislation? Is the NRA that powerful? Surely no one would argue that the 2nd amendment was created to give irresponsible parents the right to give children and teens access to loaded guns? I think not. And should children be allowed to go into shooting ranges? Do they really need to know how to shoot uzis or automatic riffles? For peat sake.

I am sick to death of gun deaths. Over July 4th weekend, shootings occurred in every state, with at least 64 shootings and 10 deaths in Chicago alone.

I found this site called Gun Violence Archive, a non profit organization providing public information about gun violence in America. As of June 18th, there has been nearly 27,000 ‘incidents’. Out of that, 1,500 teens have been killed, 302 children and 1,143 ‘accidental’ shootings. There have been nearly 7,000 deaths by guns and more than 14,324 injuries by shootings. And it’s only July. As the heat soars, experts say shootings increase.  According to in the summer of 2015, 4,080 people were killed by guns, and more than 9,000 Americans were wounded in shootings. The article Just Another Bloody Summer is eye-opening. Sadly, calculated that 2,500 children die each year in America from gun shootings.


I’m tired of it. I’m almost ready to go back to England. Moms out there, does it bother you too? Are you as disgusted as I am? Most of us moms aren’t hunters or as big of gun enthusiasts as our men out there, but we can vote. We can pressure congress for gun legislation. is a group vying for rights for families and is behind gun legislation reform. Go to their GunSafety Page to sign up and join their petitions to congress to create affective gun safety laws, such as criminal background checks for all gun purchases.

Lets, for once, put children first in #merica. Do you agree?

Sick and tired today,