Wait, What?!?

Insert record rip (maybe too old school) or crashing sound here. Was I really in Hawaii last week? I return from my annual Thanksgiving with the boys in Oahu only to find myself slammed into the American frenzy that I so try to not slip into. Seriously, thank God for deep breathing as I almost had a panic attack last night! After returning from teaching 3 amazing yoga classes with grateful and soulful yogis, I began to get my calendar organized for the week. Many of you parents out there get this, but isn’t this time of year especially insane? Today, Tuesday, Dec. 1st, I had to sort out a lot of s*#t. Young at art at my youngest school is right when my noon yoga class at the hospital ends, crap, I have to reschedule FAST. I pick up carpool at the middle school, but wait, my oldest wants to try out for the school soccer team today AND he’s supposed to have a violin practice at the same time, cancel one. Wait, he also has club soccer practice tonight @ 7, but wait, my youngest has a tiger scout meeting at the same time. Shit. What about dinner? Rent is due. Oh, and I didn’t get paid yet from the hospital or one of my yoga studios. Oh, wait, I still have to get all the volunteer goodies for my youngest Christmas party at school this afternoon. Shit, his school sent an email saying they didn’t get tuition yet? How can that be? I can’t find paperwork because of the major leak onto my desk 2 weeks ago, when the toilet overflowed.  I’ll have to make an appointment with the principal. Wait, I have to teach yoga tomorrow night at the same time that my oldest has his Christmas concert. Oh wait, they have a dentist appointment too? And does my new sitter have a car? I can’t cancel my yoga class for my seniors, they count on me. Wait, can I shift it up 30 minutes? I have keys to the studio, maybe I can just do it this one time… I’ll call the entire class and see if they can come early. Can a few friends go to my son’s concert so someone is there cheering him on? I’ll email them… I’ll call the dentist to see if they have another day we can come in, my youngest has tooth that needs to be pulled. Oh, good they can, but wait, they now want us there on Thurs? My oldest has soccer practice and yet another violin concert at the hospital-his volunteer give-back this year, on the same day? AGAIN?  Oh crap, I have to sign both boys up for AYSO soccer today..my youngest hasn’t even done soccer yet. I’m a slack mom. And the negatives from our family photo shoot got wet and I can’t see which ones I like. I was supposed to order them while we were out of town, so now we won’t get to order Christmas cards this year. Great. Did I write the thank you notes for my youngest for his birthday gifts? I’m not being a good example. Slacker. And what will we have for dinner all week if boys have concerts, soccer & tiger scouts? Probably pizza.I’ll make them eat carrot sticks & avocado slices too…Still, I’m a slack ass yoga mom. Most of my yoga teacher friends would not be in this bind. I’m not living the life I should be right now. Where’s the organic veggie / vegan meal? Hmmm….activities for the boys, or home cooked meals at home. No in-between right now. If I was just more organized. If I was just a better mom. If I was just more focussed.

Wait, What?!? Um. Insert record rip right now. Deep breaths. And now the mind rant calms down and I remember that my ex, the boys’ dad, lives in Europe. I have no family here. There is only one person here, one parent, one set of hands to do all of these activities that feel like they are crashing on me, crashing on my sanity, weighing down any chances of time for myself, time to write, time for yoga, time for a personal life. And yet, my boys deserve to do all these activities. I want them to learn music. I want them to learn from being on a team. My youngest really needs to make more friends and scouts helps with that…Yoga has saved my life in so many ways. I have a choice to do ALL of these things—or not. It’s my choice. Yes, I want both of my boys to have activities. For the longest time I held out on letting my youngest do soccer or tiger scouts because I worried I couldn’t do it all, I couldn’t be in 3 places at once, or drive everywhere, and I’m right. I can’t. I just can’t do it all, but that doesn’t mean I can’t do some. I do want to volunteer at school. I want to get to know their friends and teachers. AND, I want to also have time for myself. Time for home cooked meals, time for my own yoga & meditation practice. Something has to give. Just last week I was in Hawaii connecting with my 2 boys. We hiked in the rain up a remote mountain on the North Shore, picked wild strawberry guava and noni (Polynesian immune-boosting, but smelly fruit!). We talked. We surfed. We hung out. We snorkeled. We swam. We talked about our dreams. And I have to remind myself that the hectic pressure that American schools and sports puts upon families can tear us apart. Something has to give. And it’s funny how judgmental the teachers & coaches can be when I do say no, or I do limit the boys activities…but that’s not my problem. And right now, I’m doing the best that I can. This week, I’ll go to 3 violin concerts (hopefully, as I may miss one), 2 soccer practices, 2 dentist appointments, teach art, volunteer supplies for a Christmas party, put together christmas cards (hopefully), teach 5 yoga classes, take at least 2 yoga classes (hopefully), meditate daily (non-negotiable), carpool, 1 tiger scout meeting, sell mistletoe for tiger scouts, writer’s group meeting, write at least 1 hour a day, oh, and maybe cook dinner, do laundry, hassle kids about homework and pray that it will all work out. And it will. That’s a choice too. Thanks for listening to the rant. I’m a lucky mom of two healthy & sweet boys. I’m a mom learning lessons about how much I can physically do. I’m learning that this time of year is insane and I don’t have to be perfect. An emailed Christmas card, is still a card, right? And for now, being aware of my limitations and my intentions has to be enough. Namaste ya’ll.

((( ❤ )))

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